Justin

I can clear the first two circuits of Punch-Out!! with my eyes closed, I have childhood sketchpads filled with doodles of Bald Bull and Soda Popinski, and I hope to name one of my future sons King Hippo. I grew up on that legendary NES game. I understand the nostalgia. Even so, I cannot fathom how anyone can dismiss its sequel, Super Punch-Out!!, when it outclasses its predecessor in nearly every respect.

Super hit the virtual console on Monday, and already, the critics were quick to remind us how it’s not nearly as beloved as its prequel. Well, that may be true, but only because it was so criminally overlooked back in the day. But more importantly, I’ve been dismayed by the lack of love in the upcoming Wii revamp. Granted, we’ve only seen four fighters so far, but all of the marketing seems to suggest that developer Next Level Games has forgotten Super.

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There’s a lot to love about JRPGs. Diverse worlds to explore, the essential feeling of empowerment over time, and debatably, a stronger focus on characterizations and narrative. However, when Japanese bigwigs like Square Enix President Yoichi Wada bemoan stagnant Eastern development, this particular genre receives much of the blame. After all, the core mechanics of the JRPG haven’t changed much in the 23 years since the original Dragon Quest put it on the map.

As I simultaneously play through DQ IV and last year’s Lost Odyssey, I find it striking how similar the game play and pacing are between the two titles. Ditto for most of the other turn-based throwbacks, like Blue Dragon and Sonic Chronicles. To be fair, the Persona series and others have shown that there’s still some life in the subgenre. Going back through my catalog of PS2 RPGs however, I find that they’re usually just chores to play. Too often, I still find myself grinding away at oversized farm animals and “playing for the story,” which in the end usually limps along to some anticlimactic conclusion anyway. Even recent successes occasionally fall into the same obvious traps – all of them, except Chrono Trigger.

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 A preview of things to come…

Much like the thousands of zombies we’ve been slaughtering in Left 4 Dead the past month, my blog just keeps coming back from the dead.* During the weeks that followed my end-of-semester deadlines, I was so preoccupied with catching up with friends, playing games, and slowly whittling down my Netflix queue (500+ films? How is that possible!?) that I completely neglected my writing. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have written a number of blog entries that I never bothered to publish, often because I just didn’t think anyone would care to read about my fabulous paper grading adventures and snow shoveling prowess.

“E-Sak”-ed

However, after Electronic Gaming Monthly’s demise and the mass gutting of 1up.com, I held off on the punditry because I wanted to have a bit more perspective on the matter. After all, I had been subscribing to EGM since middle school - I believe the issue with the Soul Reaver cover story was my first. As an industry institution, the magazine’s editorial staff convinced me to buy a Dreamcast and subsequently abandon my schoolyard loyalty to all things Nintendo, and while I’m certainly open to other sectors of journalism, the Ziff Davis publications were also what initially inspired me to consider this career track in the first place. I think any posts immediately following that traumatic day would have amounted to little more than insults aimed at UGO execs and “print is dead” rants.

Didn’t take guff from nobody

However, following 1up site director Sam Kennedy’s lengthy explanatory essay, I’m no longer sure where to direct my contempt. The UGO higher-ups seemingly don’t appreciate the incredible contributions that 1up guys like James Mielke and Shane Bettenhausen made over the years, but the beloved site was apparently heading in the same direction even without corporate intervention (I have no reason to question this information given Sam’s integrity over the years). Regardless, it’s just depressing that the only magazine with the chutzpah to reference Kenji Eno on the cover is no longer in print. I’ll still be visiting 1up on a daily basis, if only for the slick new Retronauts blog and one of the few grading rubrics that makes sense, but I hope that those who lost their jobs find work quickly.

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Earthbound fans, the moment you probably forgot you were waiting for is finally here! The fine folks at Starmen.net have finally completed an English patch for the import-only Mother 3.

But herein lies the problem: in order to take advantage of this translation, I need to infinge upon Nintendo’s copywrights. Now, longtime listeners know that I do not support gaming piracy and the vast majority of emulation out there, but just this one time, I’m officially breaking my own moral code. I’m sorry, Nintendo. I’d much prefer to see an official Treehouse localization, but by expressing zero interest in bringing the sequel to one of my all-time favorites to our shores, you have forced my hand. You’ve teased me too much with the “Porky” cameos in the last Smash Bros. for me to back down. I need this ROM.

*Fellow fans, do you think I’m wrong? Should I sit tight and keeping praying for a miraculous domestic release of “Earthbound 2,” or is this a worthy exception?

Burnout motorists hoping for Road Rash-style brawls or at least a new excuse to revisit Paradise City may be disappointed to hear that the latest update from Criterion doesn’t add much content. I know, I know - it’s hard to complain when its free. But that doesn’t change the fact that the bikes and especially the day/night cycles are rubbish.

When I think Burnout, I picture cars moving at blistering speeds and trading paint. The charm of the series is the emphasis on reckless, destructive driving. So why then are all of the offline* challenges time trials? Totally asinine. And why are the bike crashes so anemic? I’m not looking for grotesque displays of carnage, but there’s something satisfying about the slow-motion car crunches that are the series’ trademark. When I smash my bike into the side of the bus, it’s very jarring to see it suddenly pop onto the screen unscathed immediately afterwards.

And the less said about night racing, the better. I want to know who at Criterion thought it would be a good idea to actually reduce visibility in a game that’s already too cluttered. The streets are lined with light posts, but none of them were programmed to function; Paradise City apparently suffers through blackouts every night. Luckily, the night skies can be turned off in the options menu, but they could have given the game a different ambiance if implemented better.

*I don’t have access to the online mode right now, but I can’t imagine that bikes would radically alter head-to-head races.

Since the last time I posted…

• Classes are going well but I already have a ton of work. I have a technology beat for my reporting class, which means I may have a chance to interview the folks at the Champaign-based company Volition (Red Faction, Saint’s Row). I’m also taking Graphics & Design, which focuses on “alternative story formatting” - think graphs and sidebars. The editing software is going to require some practice, but I’m excited to develop a layout skill set. (I’m also aware of the irony of discussing effective formatting while completely misusing bullets).
• I’m so relieved that the Coens are still able to make movies like “Burn After Reading.” It’s been so long since they produced a funny comedy, but my faith has been restored. Pfarrer’s basement project and the J.K. Simmons’ briefings were the standout moments, but it’s the little background details that make BAR so special. Chad’s “intimidation” tactics, “Coming up Daisy,” even the Putin portrait in the Russian embassy…while I think comparisons to “Big Lebowski” are misleading, BAR is just as packed with comic touches.
• Yakuza 2 is worth your time if you were a fan of the original, but I wish the story would just stick to the pulpy mob war stuff. One minute, Kazuma’s chasing down leads on the Goda family, the next he’s doing a part-time bit as a male host or trying to turn his adopted daughter into a pop idol. Just bizarre. Look for a review “this week.”
• I’m really bad at staying on schedule, so disregard any of the promises I made last time. If you’re really curious about what I’m up to, I guess you can consult my twitter. I already feel like a tool, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop updating.

Looming deadlines, exhaustive reading assignments, and late night study sessions - it’s all rushing back to me now. Though I’m completely overwhelmed by the size of the Champaign Urbana campus and back to square one on the social front, it feels good to be a student again. I’m sure this sentiment will change in a few short weeks when I’m downing (heavily caffeinated) Dews and stalling out on my lead paragraphs, but right now the “professional journalist” title seems within my grasp. I’m just one “intensive” year away.

The bad news is that this fast track comes at a price. If I learned one thing from last week’s orientation, it’s that I’m going to have very little time for recreation. Couple that with the discovery that my dormitory internet connection is tenuous at best (though this probably will change as the semester progresses), and it should come as little surprise that I will need to drastically decrease my involvement in The Rumble Pack Podcast. Believe me, this is a hard sacrifice to make, but my perpetual loafing had to come to an end at some point. That doesn’t mean I’ll be leaving the show completely. Right now, we’re considering pre-recorded addresses or rants to tag to the end of our shows (think Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes,” except maybe even more crotchety), and you can check back here for weekly blog posts every Monday and reviews every Tuesday Saturday.

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It is time to make amends. When you listen to episode 55 this week, you will unfortunately hear my co-hosts ridiculing me for purchasing Elefunk, Sony’s pachyderm-infused civil engineering crash course (selling for a paltry five bucks). Unfortunately, I was only a few stages into the game, and thus unprepared to counter their baseless ridicule. That, and the game is really frustrating for the first hour or so. However, now that I’ve warmed up to this PSN sleeper, I thought I’d help provide the tutorial that the developers mysteriously forgot to include. Hopefully these quick (admittedly common sense) tips will make up for the outright dismissal of Elefunk on this week’s podcast.

1. Pay attention to your happy accidents - Some of the principles you discover early on will be used frequently throughout the later stages. Be sure to keep track of what works and what doesn’t.

2. Put the bulk of the weight against the walls of the chasm - Watching your bridges collapse in on themselves can be maddening, but you can alleviate some of the burden by taking the weight out from under the center and moving it to the ends. Triangular pieces work wonders here (think arches).

Nothing a history major can’t handle!

3. You’re not supposed to use all of the pieces! - Each utilized piece will deduct points from your final score, but you’ll have bigger problems if you use everything at your disposal. Remember, heavy bridges can barely support themselves, let alone three hulking elephants.

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